Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
