If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
