i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
