What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
