my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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