I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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