Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
