Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
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nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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