I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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