Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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