Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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