So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
