I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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