You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
