Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
