We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
