Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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