I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
