Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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