when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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