your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
