i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
