Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
