I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've blown a few things in my day
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
