I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
