You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
