you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
