He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize