He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
