Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
