I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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