everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
