you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
