Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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