so explain again why im purple
no
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
