you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
