He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
