I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
