textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
