sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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