Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
