Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
