It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize