Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize