another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
