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I faked an abortion last night.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
