If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
