dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Every concussion has its silver lining
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
