I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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