Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
