Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
