Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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