I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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