Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
