I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
