Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
