I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
