wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
did you just send me my own nude
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
