i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
