So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
