cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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