Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
